Days 19-22: Zion, Utah, Boulder "All Good Things Must Come To An End"

So apropos to encounter this on one of our last days of the trip. #motto #worldtravelers 

Day 19:

Update: we have a jam soaked pair of bikini bottoms in the back of the car. There is no valid excuse for this. 

Today we were immersed in UT-AWESOMEness. We spent the morning hiking around Zion National Park. The pictures don't do it justice -- the sheer scale of the cliffs had us driving around with our mouths open, gawking like loons.

Canyon Overlook Trail

We spent more time than initially planned at Zion, and had a nearly 5 hour drive through scenic RT 12 up to Green River.  Shout out to Cadence for the advice to take this drive! It was arguably the most scenic drive of the trip.  We didn't take a ton of pics because we were busy drinking in the sights as the sun sank on the horizon.

We stayed in Green River, UT, which was a sad excuse for a town. Ate at a thoroughly mediocre restaurant.

I guess there's something to be proud of even in Green River, UT...

Day 20:

En route to Boulder, CO, we encountered the best gas station chain on the planet. Kum n’ Go.

We kame and went

We arrived in Boulder at our super cute hostel/hotel (thanks Kate and Mags!) and ventured out to explore the town. 

TRUE DAT

Delicious beers with an old friend made the day better immediately. Alice, our resident tour guide, showed us the finer side of Boulder. Like this toy store. 

Stuffed anacondas = only 1 option. It's Britney, bitch.

After some very strong margaritas we were introduced to Luke and Taylor. They were beyond friendly and made sure we had a great time seeing the town.

Liz's mood is...alive.

Liz's mood ring was passed around to half the population of Boulder by the end of the night. Really, everyone's moods boiled down to two things: 1) alive 2) romantic.  Dinner at Alice's restaurant, Next Door, was delish but we were down for the count early. 

Day 21-22:

Kansas. We drove through this flat pancake ass of a state for what had to be at least 17 hours. The billboard reading "Jesus heals, pornography destroys" really solidified our sentiments: you are no fun at all, Kansas. 

Only 523 miles until we make a turn...

If you have to say he's real, is he really real? Let's ask Alan Watts.

We had officially lost all sense of time/dignity/reality at about 2 o'clock in the morning buying tank tops at a gas station in Illinois and chugging 5 Hr energies in the parking lot.

This location was literally called "Effingham." Aptly named.

This shift was pretty bleak. Cue Liz white knuckling through a hurricane listening to 4 hours of Alan Watts sermons, much to Kat's dismay. Perhaps the most truly desperate homeless road warrior moment occurred when Liz bought a Wendy's chicken sandwich at 6am and left cups of ketchup on the roof of Lil Blurps in a state of pure deliriousness. It was clear -- we needed to get the fuck home. Stat. 

Miraculously we made it back in one piece.

Not too shabby, Middle America sunrise.

It only took about 2 days of checking work emails, beginning more grad classes, and awaiting the start of the school year (this can't be happening...Please God, one more week...) before we were missing life on the road.

To all of our blog followers, THANK YOU for coming along on this adventure with us. We had a blast and hopefully you enjoyed the antics along the way. 

It's been real, people. 

Time for a pbj...deuces! 

Day 18: Grand Canyon "Asses on Asses; Fools on Mules"

Today was a GRAND day.

YEE-HAW!

We first arrived in Grand Canyon just before sundown Monday night.  After a quick walk about, we retired to our quaint dude ranch-esque retreat. Giddy with overtiredness, this is what happens in a cabin in the woods:

Our digs for the night:

Bright Angel Lodge

Sup Elk

We got up early for a morning hike on the Rim Trail. The views were truly breathtaking. 

In other news, Liz made a brave choice to face her squirrel phobia via exposure therapy. One friendly little mangy canyon rat turned Liz into a true believer.

"We're friends now"

Thankfully a very friendly, very Southern lady did a bang-up job taking a picture of us. When we complimented her on her photographic prowess, her response was priceless: "Oh I do a lot of Facebook, honey."

You get into dat FB, gurl

Going on a mule ride requires the most absurd extensive preparation you can imagine. The semi-amused front desk lady let Liz try on dirty old mule hats, after which we decided to buy official ten-gallon hats for $7. 

It was either this or a dirty, used Dr. Pepper cap

Whoa now boys, back right up and form an orderly queue at the door. 

GIDDY up

Certified cowgirls

Apparently you cannot ride a mule without tying 85 cubic yards of string onto all of your belongings. Hats, sunglasses, cell phones, keys. We were more harnessed up by our own stuff than the damn mules. We also were required to use the "mule motivator" to beat our asses into submission...

50 shades of mule

Introducing Judd and Dubby. Dubby was kind of a rat bastard and kept trying to bite Kathryn whilst tossing his head and stamping his hooves. Call him Miley, because he can't be tamed. Meanwhile, Judd was chill AF.

Braid Beard

Just chuggin' along

Our tour guide, Wes, was Captain Crazypants. A kind-hearted mule breeder, we think he did one too many peyote trips because he could barely string a sentence together, much less a joke. Exhibit A, his mother-in-law joke/story that "is guaranteed to have you sitting on the porch for Thanksgiving dinner if you tell it to your wife." Watch all the way to the end for the punch line...

Don't laugh too hard now everyone

"If your mule goes over the edge just keep your eyes open cuz it's a great view"

We peaced outta da canyon around 4:30pm and embarked on a quick 4.5 hour jaunt to southern Utah. A transcendent sunset drive through the Arizona back country made us forget that we were tired and smelled like mules. No service, no other cars, a massive lightning storm, an amazing sunset in the clouds, listening to Mumford and Sons. It was a spiritual experience. 

Alright folks, finally, we have one more story to tell for the night. We arrived at our Airbnb in Hurricane, UT close to 10pm and had the hardest laugh we've had yet on the trip...and that's saying something because we've been doing nothing but goofing around for 3 weeks. The following pics and videos shall demonstrate what will forevermore be referred to as...the BUBBLE TUB INCIDENT.

1. Liz decides a nice soak in the tub is in order. 

What. Happened.

2. Things start to get a little out of hand.

Call her Michael Buble

3. Liz begins to actually disappear into a bubble cloud.

"Willy Wonka would kick me out of his factory"

4. SH*T DEVOLVES INTO MADNESS

#despair

4. This is not real life.

#couture

We hope you laughed your socks off like we did today. It was one for the books.

Nighty night!

L&K

Days 16 & 17: Las Vegas "What Happens in Vegas...Goes on the Blog"

Riddle of the day: what do you get when you combine two girls on a road trip with a few hundred speedo-clad gays, watermelon vodka slushies, and a terrible lube job? Answer: VEGAS.

On Sunday we got up and in the car by 7am to make it to Vegas by noon. The drive was easy, thankfully.  HUGE shout out to Liam and Isaac for hosting us and showing us a crazy fun day and night on the town! Love you two!

#SQUAD

Let's begin with the most epic pool party that we've ever seen...also known as a garden variety Sunday brunch for Vegas locals.

We pre-gamed at chez Liam & Isaac, sipping on dangerously delightful watermelon slushies.

I been drankin', Watermelon. #yonce

Liz discovers her suit doubles as a drink net. Look Ma no hands!

At the Luxor, we made like the sphinx before hopping in the pool.

Meow

The party was relatively tame early on so we grabbed our new gay bff and tried being hype girls. We quickly discovered we were actually Harry Potter wearing his invisibility cloak:

Don't you want to party with us?

You don't? How bout just looking at us?

Still no response? We'll keep hyping.

Failure is a bitter pill to swallow

Liam (obvoiusly) won the Temptations Sunday runway walk-off! We'd like to think his hype girls helped him take this one home.

I mean I guess he's okay looking

Go-go gadget banana hammock twerker

Luxor was amazing and we had a ball pretending to be gay celebrities.

Post-pool party, we needed to dig deep to fight our inner grandmas who were begging for 9pm bedtime.

Kat is a bat.

Tired but trying to rally for da club

This queen needs no further explanation:

Just a lil Snapchat compilation of all the booty shakers in Vegas

We parted ways with our beloved hosts around 10am Monday. 'Til next time, squad.

It's always sunny in Vegadelphia

Getting out of Vegas we were determined to get an In-n-Out burger to see what the buzz was all about. It was...drumroll...astoundingly average. We were HOT MESSES trying to eat this in the car. Fast food is for jokers.

Never have we been fatter Americans

We've also been ridin' Lil Blurps hard. So we cut her a break today and helped her prepare for a hot date. We took her to Terrible's Lube to get cleaned, lubed, and filled up. Hehe.

Not sure I follow the business model here

Gotta lubed before you use the facilities

Apparently Liz just emerged from living her entire life in an underground bunker and doesn't know what a car wash is.

En route to the Grand Canyon we realized the Hoover Dam was right on the way, so we made a pit stop. It was over 100 degrees and it was a long, hot walk from the car. So naturally we decided to speak in Southern accents calling each other Ethel and Louise the entire time. Definitely convinced many a passerby. A few highlights from the conversation:
"The water in that there dam is lookin' pretty low."
"I just don't know about this whole climate change idea, Louise. It just doe'nt sit well with me."

Oh hot dam 

We made it to the Grand Canyon just in time for a walk before bed!

South Rim Baybay

Tomorrow, we ride mules into the canyon. Pray for us.