Day 18: Grand Canyon "Asses on Asses; Fools on Mules"

Today was a GRAND day.

YEE-HAW!

We first arrived in Grand Canyon just before sundown Monday night.  After a quick walk about, we retired to our quaint dude ranch-esque retreat. Giddy with overtiredness, this is what happens in a cabin in the woods:

Our digs for the night:

Bright Angel Lodge

Sup Elk

We got up early for a morning hike on the Rim Trail. The views were truly breathtaking. 

In other news, Liz made a brave choice to face her squirrel phobia via exposure therapy. One friendly little mangy canyon rat turned Liz into a true believer.

"We're friends now"

Thankfully a very friendly, very Southern lady did a bang-up job taking a picture of us. When we complimented her on her photographic prowess, her response was priceless: "Oh I do a lot of Facebook, honey."

You get into dat FB, gurl

Going on a mule ride requires the most absurd extensive preparation you can imagine. The semi-amused front desk lady let Liz try on dirty old mule hats, after which we decided to buy official ten-gallon hats for $7. 

It was either this or a dirty, used Dr. Pepper cap

Whoa now boys, back right up and form an orderly queue at the door. 

GIDDY up

Certified cowgirls

Apparently you cannot ride a mule without tying 85 cubic yards of string onto all of your belongings. Hats, sunglasses, cell phones, keys. We were more harnessed up by our own stuff than the damn mules. We also were required to use the "mule motivator" to beat our asses into submission...

50 shades of mule

Introducing Judd and Dubby. Dubby was kind of a rat bastard and kept trying to bite Kathryn whilst tossing his head and stamping his hooves. Call him Miley, because he can't be tamed. Meanwhile, Judd was chill AF.

Braid Beard

Just chuggin' along

Our tour guide, Wes, was Captain Crazypants. A kind-hearted mule breeder, we think he did one too many peyote trips because he could barely string a sentence together, much less a joke. Exhibit A, his mother-in-law joke/story that "is guaranteed to have you sitting on the porch for Thanksgiving dinner if you tell it to your wife." Watch all the way to the end for the punch line...

Don't laugh too hard now everyone

"If your mule goes over the edge just keep your eyes open cuz it's a great view"

We peaced outta da canyon around 4:30pm and embarked on a quick 4.5 hour jaunt to southern Utah. A transcendent sunset drive through the Arizona back country made us forget that we were tired and smelled like mules. No service, no other cars, a massive lightning storm, an amazing sunset in the clouds, listening to Mumford and Sons. It was a spiritual experience. 

Alright folks, finally, we have one more story to tell for the night. We arrived at our Airbnb in Hurricane, UT close to 10pm and had the hardest laugh we've had yet on the trip...and that's saying something because we've been doing nothing but goofing around for 3 weeks. The following pics and videos shall demonstrate what will forevermore be referred to as...the BUBBLE TUB INCIDENT.

1. Liz decides a nice soak in the tub is in order. 

What. Happened.

2. Things start to get a little out of hand.

Call her Michael Buble

3. Liz begins to actually disappear into a bubble cloud.

"Willy Wonka would kick me out of his factory"

4. SH*T DEVOLVES INTO MADNESS

#despair

4. This is not real life.

#couture

We hope you laughed your socks off like we did today. It was one for the books.

Nighty night!

L&K

Days 16 & 17: Las Vegas "What Happens in Vegas...Goes on the Blog"

Riddle of the day: what do you get when you combine two girls on a road trip with a few hundred speedo-clad gays, watermelon vodka slushies, and a terrible lube job? Answer: VEGAS.

On Sunday we got up and in the car by 7am to make it to Vegas by noon. The drive was easy, thankfully.  HUGE shout out to Liam and Isaac for hosting us and showing us a crazy fun day and night on the town! Love you two!

#SQUAD

Let's begin with the most epic pool party that we've ever seen...also known as a garden variety Sunday brunch for Vegas locals.

We pre-gamed at chez Liam & Isaac, sipping on dangerously delightful watermelon slushies.

I been drankin', Watermelon. #yonce

Liz discovers her suit doubles as a drink net. Look Ma no hands!

At the Luxor, we made like the sphinx before hopping in the pool.

Meow

The party was relatively tame early on so we grabbed our new gay bff and tried being hype girls. We quickly discovered we were actually Harry Potter wearing his invisibility cloak:

Don't you want to party with us?

You don't? How bout just looking at us?

Still no response? We'll keep hyping.

Failure is a bitter pill to swallow

Liam (obvoiusly) won the Temptations Sunday runway walk-off! We'd like to think his hype girls helped him take this one home.

I mean I guess he's okay looking

Go-go gadget banana hammock twerker

Luxor was amazing and we had a ball pretending to be gay celebrities.

Post-pool party, we needed to dig deep to fight our inner grandmas who were begging for 9pm bedtime.

Kat is a bat.

Tired but trying to rally for da club

This queen needs no further explanation:

Just a lil Snapchat compilation of all the booty shakers in Vegas

We parted ways with our beloved hosts around 10am Monday. 'Til next time, squad.

It's always sunny in Vegadelphia

Getting out of Vegas we were determined to get an In-n-Out burger to see what the buzz was all about. It was...drumroll...astoundingly average. We were HOT MESSES trying to eat this in the car. Fast food is for jokers.

Never have we been fatter Americans

We've also been ridin' Lil Blurps hard. So we cut her a break today and helped her prepare for a hot date. We took her to Terrible's Lube to get cleaned, lubed, and filled up. Hehe.

Not sure I follow the business model here

Gotta lubed before you use the facilities

Apparently Liz just emerged from living her entire life in an underground bunker and doesn't know what a car wash is.

En route to the Grand Canyon we realized the Hoover Dam was right on the way, so we made a pit stop. It was over 100 degrees and it was a long, hot walk from the car. So naturally we decided to speak in Southern accents calling each other Ethel and Louise the entire time. Definitely convinced many a passerby. A few highlights from the conversation:
"The water in that there dam is lookin' pretty low."
"I just don't know about this whole climate change idea, Louise. It just doe'nt sit well with me."

Oh hot dam 

We made it to the Grand Canyon just in time for a walk before bed!

South Rim Baybay

Tomorrow, we ride mules into the canyon. Pray for us.

Day 15: Laguna Beach "We're in the Rhubarb Here"

Alright blogfolk, today's gonna be a short one.

She fancier than bread

So our grand plan to make a day trip to San Diego didn't exactly pan out. What we thought would be a 2-3 hour leisurely morning drive turned into a nightmarish helldrive into traffic, absurdly long stop lights, construction, and general f*ckery...we were in the rhubarb big time.

This van cat is in the rhubarb too with that lazy eye

When we left the hotel in LA before 10am, GPS said it would be 2.5 hours to San Diego. After 2 hours, we'd only made it to Huntington Beach, and the GPS STILL SAID 2.5 HOURS. We were both getting into ratchet moods and decided to abandon ship in favor of choosing a closer beach locale for the day.

Looks like we're 10 feet closer to San Diego

Cue us arriving at the world's most populated beach and trying to find a quarter inch of clean sand to pack ourselves in with the rest of the sardines. Ugh, we have such first world problems.

Are you there Lauren Conrad? It's me, Margaret.

We made the best of a sort of off-kilter day by frolicking in the waves, both of us very nearly losing bathing suit bottoms several times. We crafted the "wide stance" pose (think da Vinci's Vitruvian Man) to battle the crashing waves and enormous riptide that was sucking us out to sea. Giggling the whole time, here's a snippet of Kathryn's insightful commentary:
"The ocean is scary"
"Why don't the waves ever stop coming?"
"If I lose my bottoms, can I make kelp into a bikini...a kelpkini?"

After bronzing ourselves for a few hours, we grabbed some trendy AF kombucha like the true SoCal hipsters we are.

#blessed

The drive back to Long Beach was thankfully uneventful. We spent an early night doing backyard yoga, eating Thai take out, and relaxing.

This yogini hits us with the ultimate namaste at the end

Yoga's not about judgment but Kat sucks

Second try's...not a charm

Peace out, ladies and gents

Up next...Vegas, baby.

Z

Days 13 & 14: LA "La La Land = 3 dead phones, 3 Australians, and 3 Friends x 3"

Hidey ho, campers!

We made it to LA. And we survived. Our couple of days here can be described best by wonderful groupings of triads. Liz and I have met up with various friends while here to traipse about in trios.

Brace yourselves, because we have a whole heap of pics and vids.

We get free bikes and get our swell on:
Upon arriving at the hotel in LA, the concierge took pity on our clear homeless status and let us take the beach cruisers for free. Score! We biked through Marina del Rey, Venice, and Santa Monica. We obvs stopped along the way to pump iron and get super jacked and tan at Muscle Beach.

Kathryn's upper body strength is nothing short of terrifying. 

Liz, on the other hand, has some work to do...

The damage from our extensive Olympic training is so real.

I mean, their words, not mine...

A quick tutorial in beach cruising...

Man down man down

The Moon...again:
As you all are aware, Liz's obsession with the moon has permeated the trip. Well, it's finally the full moon so you can predict her excitement. In a bizarre and star-crossed turn of events, Liz had a "card of the day" tarot reading and wouldn't you know...she pulls the moon card. Cue 10-minute rant of "this means something", "the stars are aligning for me," "the moon is truly my spirit animal" rambling from the lizard. It is pretty uncanny though and essentially proves that Liz needs to change her last name to moon.

Can't even.

LYDIA ROSE ARRIVES:
It was a blessed day due to the arrival of Liz's new niece, Lydia Rose Stanley! Born on the full moon, she will be a moon goddess just like her auntie Liz.  All day we were anxiously waiting news from the Fleche/Stanley clan back home and proud Aunt Liz is already in love with the new little one.

The sweetest of all peaches. Welcome to the world, Miss Lydia

Cassie leads us to the promised land:
Reuniting with our high school friend and fellow old Fitzsimmons dancer was the best. The reminiscing of days of yore, complete with re-enactments of failed renverse jumps that Liz was berated about by guest teachers circa 2001, had us in stitches. Big ups to Cassie for being our tour guide, taking us to Playa del Rey, Hotel Erwin for an amazing sunset, and the Townhouse.

This is what happens when left to our own devices in public restrooms

3 Australians, 3 dead phones:
We were getting ready to leave when we were intercepted by three hip-AF Australians--Nathan, Rodney, and Luke. Wearing jeggings, oversize tees, and fedoras, they essentially convinced us to come to one more bar. Best decision ever. We TORE up the dance floor, Liz shamed them for not buying us drinks faster, and a random old dude named Travis invited us out on his boat. (Un?)luckily, all three of our phones were deader than a doornail, and since no one knows how to live in pre-21st century times, we couldn't trade contact info with any of the vegemite-eaters. Guess our days down under shall live in the 2-hour dance party forevermore.

Party's Over

Midnight walk through the canals of Venice and obviously, full moon backdrop

LILLIFER:
Friday morning brought us to Futurpointer Lillie, who is just starting her college experience out here at USC Glorya Kaufman School of Dance. She's got incredible things ahead of her and we were so happy to link up with her for breakfast! Obviously we had to order superfood syringes, since a mouth-shot of green goo is part of every balanced breakfast.

Well if it's Gaga's favorite it must be legit...let me just order it via my tablet menu real quick

#appetizing


Struggle bus

Don't feed the animals


Lahv Lillifer

Another beach workout:

I mean we didn't get this jacked and tan without pushing ourselves to our physical max at all times.

Brutal workout...

Suns out guns...nowhere to be found

Adria in Echo Park:
Our final long-lost friend to reunite with was Adria. We braved rush hour traffic in LA to get over to Echo Park...it was a hair raising driving experience.

Kathryn becomes an enraged soccer mom stuck in traffic

Amazing fish tacos, beer, live music, and late night used book shopping rounded out a glorious trip downtown.

We'll keep her

Probably not enough sauce for our tacos

Title really says it all...

This look is also Kat's surprised face when Liz reads another spiritual healing book

Thank God she's been looking all over for this info!! #Mansplaining

Our favorite quote from the night occurred while Adria described the wondrous experience of being on morphine post-surgery: "It's like riding a wave on a Care Bear who's giving you a deep tissue massage and eating you out."

Say whaaaaa?!?!

If you've read all the way to the end of this post and looked at all the pics and vids, you da true MVP. Tomorrow, San Diego!

XO

Da Gurlz